Apr 23, 2017

When He Left Me Forever....

Soon, it will be a year Abah left us...  Abah, as you know I always love, love and love you after mama. You both are my soul that I couldn't live without, you both are my sunshine, when you not around my live was fade off. How you guys important to me and I really need you around but Allah love you more, kan Abah?

I got a call at 5.30 a.m. 8 June 2016 during 3rd Ramadhan on that year I feel like I lost everything. I just having my new semester that would be my last semester but I forced myself to extend because of some issues.   Suddenly, I feel all my surround was fade. Its happened suddenly while I'm not ready for loosing you.. I don't know why I felt so lazy to wake up for sahur and I press stop button on my phone. After that, its ringing again but not my alarm on that time. 5.30 a.m. while everybody already back to dream land. Just me wake up and grab my phone. 

"Sister calling"

When I picked up the call, I never expect for sad, harm thing but when I ask my sister why, she just said Abah and quiet for a while. Then, I ask why and expecting that Abah must be admit in ward because of his heart disease. Yes, he's having heart-problem and asthma. But it was different from my thought.. kakak aku jawab dengan tangisan teresak-esak " Abah dah tak ada.. abah dah meninggal" I'm speechless and just said, Abah pergi mana? dan terus menangis. Sampai tercengang dua orang kawan aku yang terjaga dari tidur.  Waktu kawan sekerja ronda, dia jumpa Abah terbaring kaku tak sedarkan diri.  Abah was passed away on that date at 2 a.m. while on the way to the hospital. He was night shift working that started at 8 p.m. and going to finish his work at 8.00 a.m. But Allah love him more.. Terima kasih buat kawan-kawan Abah yang mendoakan Abah. Semua orang bercakap yang baik-baik tentang Abah. Yes, he was a nice man. Dia suka belanja orang, tak lokek dengan senyuman, suka tolong orang and suka bergurau sebab itu orang senang dengan dia. Ramai jugak kawan sekerja abah add dekat facebook, bertanya khabar. Yes, mereka datang waktu pengebumian Abah. Ramai yang datang. Terima kasih !

I still remember when my friends Anis and Fatin hug me for a while and make me calm from crying. Aku rasa jasad aku aje dekat situ, memang mamai sebab rasa macam dalam mimpi je. In fact, I hope it was a dream. 

After 9 a.m. ayah tiri aku datang ambil and kami lambat sampai. Supposed, anak angkat ayah tiri aku datang ambil but he didn't arrive there. lagi satu, aku tak kenal rumah mak mertua abah and terpaksa call ayah saudara. Aku tak nak cerita part ni sebab aku still sakit hati about this. Aku tak nak aibkan sesiapa and cukup aku beritahu, aku tak dapat tengok, apatah lagi cium abah buat kali terakhir.

Airmata mengalir bagaikan juara. It never stop for falling down even two days after I still hoping that was a dream. I got a dream about him. He smile towards me and said "Jangan menangis, Abah okay" sambil peluk aku. I missed his hug and smile, I missed how dia membebel and aku bebel dia balik. Dia tak pernah tinggi suara, kasar dengan kami, even he hold me with love. Tak pernah pun berbirat dekat kaki atau muka.. Dia tak pernah pukul kami. I love him 😭

Abah was my hero. When my tears drop down, he always beside me. He pampered me a lot. That's why we're close. I never use the ringtone, the alarm sound that I use on that day because I feel scared with that. If I get a call in the morning even from strangers or my relatives, I felt worried and scared to answer it. Pernah sekali aku pernah nak marah kawan aku sebab call awal pagi and dengan suara cemas, siapa tak cuak? Then, I told her everything and luckily, she understand me and advise me to be strong. Nasib baik jenis tak pendam sampai berdendam.

I got two signs before Abah passed away, my tooth was in worst condition and need to pull away. I cried so hard and my Abah was there for calming down. After two days, I got a different dream. Abah come over then he hug me so tight and say sorry for many times. I just ignore that and when I wake up I feel something different then I told my mum. After I told my mum, I call him right away and his voice sound weird. I heard like he was too tired. I guess, maybe he just arrived home after finished his night shift. Then we talk for awhile. Then I ask him, when we want to meet up? Then he told me that, he already come here to pick up me a week before, but I didn't pick up the call. I just know it after he told me early. I checked my phone already there's no missed call from him in my phone log. I checked notification that celcom send to me about the missed call, ye ada !! I tried to call him on 3rd May to inform him, Tok (belah mak) was passed away but failed. I left a message through his number also whatsapp. When I ask, he didn't received the message. He ask me to take care of myself.. when I ask when to meet up, he said Insha Allah with lower voice. I didn't notice anything until I received a call on 8 June 2016.  That day was our last conversation, 31 May 2016.

5 April was his birthday. I really forgot about the date.. But I never forget about him. Sometimes, I feel like he still around here. Maybe jarang jumpa was the factor that me feel so and tokmek was feel the same. Allah pilih Abah untuk pulang kepadaNya sewaktu seluruh umat islam menyambut Ramadhan. Moga Abah ditempatkan dikalangan orang-orang beriman dan diampunkan segala dosa dia. 


Don't Spam. Positive words only, pretty ♥